7 Step By Step Guides To Find Swingers (With Signs & Sourcs!)

How to find swingers

The swingers lifestyle is a form of non-monogamous behavior in which couples engage in sexual activities with others as a social or recreational activity. This lifestyle choice is based on the principle that sexual experiences can be enjoyed openly and honestly among consenting adults without the need for monogamy.

This post offers insights, tips, and strategies for finding swingers safely, respectfully, and consensually. We’ll explore various avenues, such as online platforms, community events, and more, to help you connect with others who share your interests. Let’s delve into the world of swinging and discover how you can explore this facet of your sexuality with confidence and ease.

How to find swingers? (Step-by-step guidelines)

Finding swingers and exploring the swinging lifestyle involves research, networking, and understanding the norms and etiquette of the community. Here’s a step-by-step guide with resources to help you start this journey:

Step 1: Educate Yourself About the Lifestyle

Research Online: Start by researching what swinging entails. Websites like SwingLifeStyle and Swingers Date Club (SDC) offer articles and forums. Websites like Reddit have active swinger communities (e.g., r/Swingers).
Read Books: Books like “The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy provide insight into non-traditional relationships.

Educate Yourself About the Lifestyle
Educate Yourself About the Lifestyle

Example Scenario: John and Jane, a married couple, have heard about swinging and are curious. They’re unsure what it involves and have many questions and misconceptions. They decide to educate themselves before making any decisions. Here is step-by-step approach:

Online Research: John and Jane start by searching online for reliable resources. They visit websites like SwingLifeStyle and read articles that explain the different aspects of swinging.

Reading Books: They find books like “Opening Up” by Tristan Taormino, which provide insights into non-monogamous lifestyles. These books help them understand the emotional and social dynamics involved.

Joining Online Forums: They join online forums and communities where they can read about other people’s experiences. Websites like Reddit have active swinger communities (e.g., r/Swingers). Here, they find threads discussing everything from first-time experiences to managing jealousy.

Listening to Podcasts: They find podcasts where hosts share their experiences and give advice on swinging. This gives them a more personal perspective.

Discussion and Reflection: John and Jane discuss what they’ve learned after gathering information. They talk about their feelings, potential concerns, and whether they feel it’s something they want to explore.

Attending Informational Meetups: They discover that a local swinger club hosts informational meetups for newbies. They decide to attend one to learn more in a no-pressure environment and meet others new to the lifestyle.

Asking Questions: During the meetup, they ask questions about how to get started, how to communicate effectively, and how to set boundaries. They also learn about the importance of consent and safe sex practices in the swinging community.

Through this process, John and Jane comprehensively understand what swinging involves. They feel more informed and can decide whether or not it’s right for them based on knowledge and understanding rather than assumptions or societal stigma.

Step 2: Online Communities and Dating Sites

Join Swinging Websites: Platforms like SwingLifeStyle, SDC, and Kasidie are specifically designed for swingers. Create a profile and participate in forums.
Explore Dating Apps: Some dating apps and websites have options for couples or non-monogamous relationships. Feeld and OkCupid are examples.

Online Communities and Dating Sites
Online Communities and Dating Sites

Example Scenario: Let’s consider a fictional couple, Alex and Sam. They are interested in exploring the swinging lifestyle but don’t know where to start. Here is step-by-step approach:

Joining Specialized Swinging Sites: Alex and Sam create profiles on sites like SwingLifeStyle, SDC (Swingers Date Club), and Kasidie. These platforms are for swingers and provide various tools for connecting with others, such as forums, event listings, and private messaging.

Setting Up a Profile: They take time to create an honest and clear profile. They include their interests, boundaries, and what they are looking for. They also decide on the level of privacy they’re comfortable with and choose their photos accordingly.

Forums and Groups: Alex and Sam explore forums and groups on these sites. They participate in discussions, gaining insights and advice from more experienced members.

Exploring Dating Apps: They also explore more mainstream dating apps like Feeld and OkCupid, which have options for non-monogamous and swinger-friendly connections. They set their profile preferences to match with those interested in the lifestyle.

Communication and Caution: They practice clear and honest communication. They also remain cautious and aware of online privacy and safety, avoiding sharing overly personal information with strangers.

Attending Virtual Events or Meetups: Some sites host virtual events or meetups, which are especially useful when in-person gatherings are not feasible. Alex and Sam attend a virtual swinger meet-up to get a feel for the community.

Feedback and Adjustment: They discuss their experiences and feelings after initial interactions. They decide what they like or don’t like and adjust their approach and profile accordingly.

Alex and Sam start building connections within the swinger community through their engagement on these platforms. They learn more about the lifestyle and find other couples they feel comfortable exploring further with.

Step 3: Attend Local or Regional Events

Find Local Clubs: Many cities have swingers clubs. Research clubs in your area and check their event schedules.
Attend Meet and Greets: Some communities hold ‘meet and greet’ events for swingers. Look for these in your area.

Attend Local or Regional Events
Attend Local or Regional Events

Example Scenario: Consider a fictional couple, Emily and Chris, who have explored swinging online and are now ready to meet others in person. They want to attend local events but are unsure how to start. Here is step-by-step approach:

Researching Local Clubs and Events: Emily and Chris start by researching local swinger clubs and events in their area. They check websites and forums they’ve joined for event listings and recommendations.

Choosing the Right Event: They find several options, from casual social mixers to themed parties at clubs. They start with a low-pressure, casual meet-and-greet event to ease into the scene.

Understanding the Event Norms: They read up on the event’s rules and norms before attending. This includes dress code, behavior expectations, and consent protocols. Clubs have strict guidelines to ensure a safe and respectful environment.

Preparing for the Event: They discuss their expectations and boundaries beforehand. Chris and Emily agree on signals to communicate with each other during the event in case they feel uncomfortable or want to leave.

Engaging with Others: They focus on being open and friendly but not overly aggressive at the event. They engage in conversations, introduce themselves to others, and participate in ice-breaking activities.

Observing and Learning: They spend time observing how others interact. This helps them understand unspoken social dynamics and etiquette within the swinging community.

Post-Event Discussion: After the event, they debrief about their experience. They discuss what they enjoyed, felt uncomfortable with, and whether they met anyone interested in seeing again.

Gradual Involvement: Feeling positive about their first experience, they plan to attend more events, gradually increasing their involvement and trying out events like theme parties or club nights.

Emily and Chris’s attendance at local events helps them bridge the gap between online exploration and real-world swinging experiences. They gain confidence, make connections, and become more familiar with the lifestyle in a practical, hands-on way.

Step 4: Networking and Community Building

Join Social Media Groups: Platforms like Reddit have communities (subreddits) like r/Swingers where you can connect with others.
Attend Lifestyle Resorts and Cruises: Resorts like Desire and Hedonism II cater to swingers. Cruises offer a similar experience on the sea.

Step 5: Understanding and Following Etiquette

Learn Community Norms: Respect and consent are crucial. Read about swingers’ etiquette on forums and in community guidelines.
Communicate Clearly with Potential Partners: Always be upfront about your intentions, preferences, and boundaries.

Step 6: Ensuring Safety and Comfort

Discuss Boundaries and Rules: If you have a partner, discuss your boundaries and rules beforehand.
Prioritize Safety: Use protection and discuss sexual health openly. Regular health checks are important.

Step 7: Continuous Learning and Adaptation

Participate in Forums and Discussions: Stay active in online forums to learn from others’ experiences.
Be Open to Change: Your preferences and comfort levels might evolve. Be open to discussing and adapting them.

Additional Resources:

Books and Guides: Look for guides on swinging and non-monogamous relationships for more in-depth understanding.
Podcasts and Blogs: Listen to podcasts and read blogs by swingers for real-life insights and stories.

Signs of Swingers

Myths and misconceptions surround the concept of specific signs or symbols to identify swingers. However, some rumored and anecdotal signs have been associated with swingers.

Sign of Swingers
Sign of Swingers

Jewelry: Some claim swingers wear specific jewelry, like a black ring on the right hand, as an indicator. This, however, is not universally recognized or accepted and could be a fashion choice with no underlying message.

Garden Gnomes: There’s a popular urban myth that displaying a garden gnome in one’s front yard signifies being part of the swinging community. This, however, is largely considered a myth and is not a reliable indicator.

Pampas Grass: Another rumor is that planting pampas grass in the front garden is a signifier. Like the garden gnome myth, this is not a dependable indicator and is more likely an urban legend.

Pineapples: Upside-down pineapples in a shopping cart or front porch have been rumored to be a sign. Again, this is more anecdotal and not a universally accepted or reliable indicator.

Anklets, Toe Rings, and Thumb Rings: Some believe that wearing anklets, toe rings, or thumb rings is a subtle sign of being a swinger. This is also not a universally accepted sign and can be a simple fashion choice.

Flamingos: Lawn flamingos have been rumored as a sign, but this is more of a playful stereotype than a factual indicator.

Swinger Apps and Dating Sites: A more reliable way for swingers to connect is through specific dating sites and apps designed for those in the lifestyle. These platforms are used for openly connecting with like-minded individuals.

Swingers Clubs and Events: Attending specific clubs and events is another more direct and reliable way for swingers to meet and connect.

The best way to understand or engage with the swinging community is through open and respectful communication facilitated through dedicated platforms or social groups where intentions and interests are clearly stated.


The diverse swinging lifestyle offers various possibilities for personal and shared experiences. Finding swingers and exploring the lifestyle requires patience, open communication, and a strong understanding of consent and boundaries. Approach this journey with an open mind and respect for the community’s norms.

The key to a successful experience in the swinging lifestyle is mutual respect, clear communication, and a focus on safety and consent. I hope this guide has provided valuable insights and practical steps to begin the swinging world successfully. Embrace your journey positively, and may your adventures be fulfilling and enjoyable!

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